I'm driving to my mother's house today to drop off some groceries. I'm about two houses away, when suddenly, I spot a strange, cat-sized black creature, stumbling across the road. What the hell is that? I'm thinking. Then, I get a little closer, and burst out laughing. "That" is a skunk...with a yogurt container stuck on his head. The picture really doesn't do it justice. So, I stop my car and call the little guy...who, very disconcertingly, comes running. Trying not to say "eek" out loud, I back up, and he loses interest, moseying along into the brush, banging off trees and snowbanks. I call my mother and explain the situation between gasping hysterics while I break a tree branch off and follow the skunk into the brush. I call the skunk again, and again, very strangely, he comes running...right over my foot. Eeeeghh.
I use a prong on the stick to try and pry the yogurt container off his neck, but the little stinker (hee hee, couldn't resist, sorry) won't stand still so I can get some leverage.
Suddenly, Stinky's mood changes. He now does a very amusing version of "Who dat? Who dere?" wheeling around with his tail straight up in the air, his plastic container-ed head blindly seeking. Or, it would have been funny, had I not been ducking behind a tree, yelling "Hey, stop that! I'm trying to help! Don't you dare....yaaaaahh!"
Actually, come to think of it, it's still pretty funny.
The skunk loses interest in drawing a smelly bead on me and wanders back onto the road. After a quick stop back to my car, I follow closely, now armed with a blanket, a cardboard box...and an umbrella, which I open and position between myself and the skunk. However, Stinky's patience with me appears to have run its course, and I can't approach him anymore without him raising his tail threateningly...about seventy-five degrees in the wrong direction, but still.
I hop back into my car and race to my mother's, fling the groceries into the house, and harass her into lending me her hot dog tongs, thinking I might be able to get a grip on the container with those. I return to the scene of the crime...and the skunk has vanished. Well, that's not entirely true. I could hear him off in the distance (shuffleshuffleshuffleTHUNK, shuffleshuffleshuffleTHUNK....) but after fifteen minutes of searching, I couldn't actually get a visual. I returned a few hours later and looked again, but, no Stinky.
So, before you go to bed tonight, please say a prayer that Stinky manages to get out of his unfortunate situation...and that he's not lactose-intolerant.