Monday, May 18, 2009

The Invention of Teen

I suppose when God did the whole Adam and Eve thing, He couldn't really be expected to consider everything. I mean, sure, there's a lot to be admired. Beautiful sunsets, stars, a beautifully thrown curve ball.

But you can tell He got a bit tired on the sixth day, which caused a few minor mistakes like the creation of politicians, the New York Yankees and people who don't wash after going to the bathroom.

And then He had some left over parts, which led to the platypus, an egg laying, duck-billed, beaver-tailed mammal with a poisonous spur and a fondness for reality television.

Most of all, it's obvious ... because of the way it turned out ... that He didn't think through one particular invention ... something we laughingly call, 'Teen.'

It probably sounded like a good idea at the time ... take a human at the peak of their emotional and physical being, strap 'em to a lawnmower or a dishrag ... and spend Sunday in the hammock.

But in this case, the chemistry just didn't work out as planned. He didn't figure on emotions ... a pretty good invention, itself ... if you're a girl ... accidentally getting all jacked up by something called hormones, which He had created to assist in growth and all that.

God's pretty quick on the uptake, so He immediately knew He would have to find somewhere to put them so they wouldn't be a danger to the family pets. So He created something called Junior High and High School.

These places were a sanctuary to store teens after they learn everything they really need to know ... which they learn in elementary school ... and makes it safe for the rest of humanity and the animal world.

(oops, I gotta run. My teen just got home ...)


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