Role Models: My Desert Island Companions

If you were stranded on a desert island, who would you most want to be stranded with?

I’ve heard this question before, but never gave it serious thought until now. Of course, I’d want to take along someone who’s been an inspiration or role model, or at least someone interesting or fun to hang around (along with a few other reasons). So, I humbly submit my list of people (past and present, real and fictional), that I’d like to accompany me on this deserted island.

Dave Mustaine - The lead guitarist and singer of the heavy metal band, Megadeth. Besides being a tremendously talented musician and songwriter, he is intelligent, and extremely opinionated on a variety of social and political issues. He’s also led a tumultuous life, both personally and professionally. To pass the time, I could pick his brain about his lyrics, his views on the world, how he managed to go through the tortures of addiction and recovery, and why Megadeth really is a better band than Metallica.

Stephen King - My favorite author. He could entertain me with his stories, even if having the crap scared out of you on a deserted island may not really seem like a good idea, especially at night.

Christopher Walken - For two reasons. First, if Mr. Walken told Stephen King’s stories, they’d be twice as scary. Second, I would have him teach me to talk like he does because, if I were ever rescued and went back to my old teaching job, I could terrify my students with the mere sound of my voice.

Barrack Obama - I’d want to let him know what an inspiration he’s been, not just to voters, but to the kids in my classroom. Until then, I’ve never heard 7th graders take an interest in politics. Some of them even wear Obama tee-shirts (I’ve never seen a kid wearing a George W. Bush tee). Then again, if he’s stuck on the island with me, who the heck is running the country???

Louis Black - My favorite comedian. Listening to him rant about the current state of our country might make being stranded on a desert island seem not so bad.

Chuck Norris - If nothing else, Chuck could jump into the ocean and push the island back toward civilization.

Steve McQueen - The coolest guy ever. I’ve never been cool, and I figure, with all this spare time on my hands, I can take lessons from the master. Besides, if you’ve ever seen Papillon, you know Mr. McQueen actually escaped from an island...twice.

Spongebob Squarepants - Because his voice makes me laugh.

Steven Seagal - No, I’m not a Steven Seagal fan. In fact, I can name all the movies of his I actually like on one finger (Under Siege). But, as much as I enjoy listening to Spongebob, that grating, high-pitched voice will eventually drive me up the wall, and I will need someone to silence him...permanently.

Captain Nemo - The nefarious, renegade sea captain of the Nautilus from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Mysterious Island. If there’s anyone who possesses the ability to use his intellect and ingenuity to get us off this island, he’s the man. Then again, given Nemo’s overall contempt of the human race, the real trick would be convincing him to do it at all.

Paris Hilton - Because, if I was ever rescued, I would leave her behind to fend for herself. In ridding the world of someone who’s famous for absolutely nothing, perhaps I’d get some kid of award.

Snake Plissken - My all time favorite movie anti-hero, as played by Kurt Russell in Escape from New York and Escape from L.A. He’s already rescued one president, back when 1997 was still the future. Who better to rescue me from all these other role models, who will be obviously upset that I’ve dragged them to this island for my own amusement?

My wife - Hey, if I’m gonna be stuck on this island, who better? She’s my best friend and perfect role model. And we already know each other, so we can skip the courtship and go straight to starting our own society on that island...just as long as I can keep her away from Steve McQueen.