The World's Most Romantic Couple?
Are you freaking kidding me?!
You want me ... a guy ... to talk about romance?
ON VALENTINES'S DAY??!!
Look, I'm buying candy for my wife as a survivalist, not a romantic. Like any other ESPN-respecting guy, romance is just a word. I'm certainly not going to be able to tell you or anyone who the most romantic couple is.
I can tell you who isn't romantic ... me.
I mean, my heroes are the ones who staged a massacre on St. Valentine's Day. And do you know why they did that? Huh? Do you?
It was because Capone got torked off that he had to find flowers, candy and then go to Walgreens and read all of the mushy stuff in Valentine's Day cards.
Is it any wonder they freaked out and shot everyone instead?!
Of course not! They took the only reasonable guy-action possible, armed themselves and killed a bunch of people ... most likely Hallmark Card employees.
So if you want to draw me into some kind of debate about Princess Di and Charles, or Shreck and Princess Fiona, or the frog and some princess, you can just forget it!
I'm not a romantic!
And, uh, honey, if you somehow come across this, I love you.
Love Across the Bridge
6 hours ago