Of course, my wife nearly snorted up a lung, so for the next fifteen minutes we giggled about me writing a romance novel. She said the romantic moments would be like, "Hey, I like your butt." Then she added that me writing a romance novel would be like her writing a cookbook (she hates cooking) or a travelogue (she's hates traveling even more).
Then I started Tweeting. So for your enjoyment, here are the top ten reasons I can't write romance.
(clap, clap, clap)
- I'm a guy
- I hate staring at a blank screen
- I'd have to access remote, undeveloped parts of my brain.
- When you say 'romance', I say SuperBowl.
- I keep that part of my brain mixed up with my funny bone.
- It's like ... alien.
- No guy can. those guy writers are actually women in disguise.
- My wife already thinks I'm Fabio because I cook on weekends and put the toilet seat down.
- It ... might ... CHANGE me!
- Cuz I'm doing my taxes right now.
- When I actually sit and watch a romance, I can feel rigor mortis settling in.
- Those are the parts of the movies where I take a pee break.
- Romance isn't nudity.
- My wife wouldn't recognize me.
- Cuz I think romance is bouncing my eyebrows and saying, "how you' doin'?"
- Cuz it would just come out creepy.
- The amount of wine required would make me a lush and pickle my liver.
- Fart jokes and belching the alphabet would have no place in the book.
- Have you seen me attempt to dance? I think there's a connection there.
- It's Just. Not. Funny.
And more disturbing, she had twenty more.
So I write humor. It's easier on the brain and I've learned to type with my funny bone.
(author of Fang Face: YA humor/vampire - download into your computer or Kindle and read in less than five minutes for under three bucks!)