Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Candy Thief

Candy made me a thief.


I must have been seven or eight. I was in a Ben Franklin Five and Dime ... Why, I don't know, I didn't have any money.

And then my eyes spied it.

A York Peppermint Pattie.

Dark chocolately goodness melted around a gooey peppermint center.


But my pockets were empty.

Well, not empty. I had my lucky rock ... not worth money... not that I would have bartered it anyway. I had my pet pillbug (tied to a string) and probably some other small trinkets I picked up off the ground, but valued like rare jewels.

The York Peppermint Pattie whispered my name.

"Norm. Noorrrmmmmm.... Eat me!"

"But, Pattie," I replied. "I don't have any money."

"No one's looking. Just take me!"

"I couldn't do that. That's stealing!"

"But I'm yours. I belong to you. You would just be taking what is yours."

The sugary voice was just so compelling. So I did it. With Pattie keeping watch for me, I reached out, put my trembling sugar-anticipatory hands on her sweet roundness.

And in a flash, she was in my pocket.

With nerves atrembly, I stole out of the store with my beloved, hopped on my bike, and pedaled furiously away to find a secluded spot to rendezvous with my secret dark lover.

I found a woody area, devoid of people, and settled onto a leafy spot behind a big tree. Pattie came from my pocket, her allure almost too tempting. But anticipation is part of the joy of this relationship, so with nervous restraint, I gently unfolded her tinfoily wrapper, and allowed myself the first swaying of desire at the flash of her tasty skin.

My mouth watered as I ...

... gobbled down the sweet confection.

Nope, I just couldn't savor this over time. Like the owl in the Tootsie Roll Pop commercial, I just can't let saliva do the work. My love of candy is a frenzied, drool-and-chomp-it-down affair - not a take your time and let it melt in your mouth insanity.

Anyway, it's good to get this dark secret out in the open.

I feel better.

And, now that I'm older, I usually have enough money for candy.

That's a good thing.

(No,Norm, don't do it)

Shut up, cavities!


(where you can read The Guy'd Book for free! And three short stories! And excerpts of my other three books! Do you hear me! Free stuff!)

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