Romance? (snort)

My wife was hanging around when I was doing our taxes, and in the course of our conversation, I mentioned another author had suggested I join the Romance Writers of America .

Of course, my wife nearly snorted up a lung, so for the next fifteen minutes we giggled about me writing a romance novel. She said the romantic moments would be like, "Hey, I like your butt." Then she added that me writing a romance novel would be like her writing a cookbook (she hates cooking) or a travelogue (she's hates traveling even more).

Then I started Tweeting. So for your enjoyment, here are the top ten reasons I can't write romance.

Yay!

(clap, clap, clap)

1. I'm a guy
2. I hate staring at a blank screen
3. I'd have to access remote, undeveloped parts of my brain.
4. When you say 'romance', I say SuperBowl.
5. I keep that part of my brain mixed up with my funny bone.
6. It's like ... alien.
7. No guy can. those guy writers are actually women in disguise.
8. My wife already thinks I'm Fabio because I cook on weekends and put the toilet seat down.
9. It ... might ... CHANGE me!
10. Cuz I'm doing my taxes right now.
11. When I actually sit and watch a romance, I can feel rigor mortis settling in.
12. Those are the parts of the movies where I take a pee break.
13. Romance isn't nudity.
14. My wife wouldn't recognize me.
15. Cuz I think romance is bouncing my eyebrows and saying, "how you' doin'?"
16. Cuz it would just come out creepy.
17. The amount of wine required would make me a lush and pickle my liver.
18. Fart jokes and belching the alphabet would have no place in the book.
19. Have you seen me attempt to dance? I think there's a connection there.
20. It's Just. Not. Funny.

We stopped because she had to go to the bathroom. What's disturbing was how eager she was to help me create the twenty Top Ten reasons.

And more disturbing, she had twenty more.

So I write humor. It's easier on the brain and I've learned to type with my funny bone.

Norm

http://www.normcowie.com/

(author of Fang Face: YA humor/vampire - download into your computer or Kindle and read in less than five minutes for under three bucks!)

Fun-tastic Cuisine!

Teen-Seen has been all about creative food this week- but what about a food you can play with and not get in trouble? Sounds cool huh?


This recipe has been in my family ever since my Dad's grandma won a peanut butter cookie contest with these. We always make them around the holidays. They also became a traditional snack at the Jr. Beta State convention in Myrtle Beach! Oh wait- no instructions? You just dump the ingredients in a bowl and stir?

Basically.

Yep, Peanut Butter Log Cookies are that easy. Dump the ingredients into a bowl. Stir until well blended. Then shape! This is best done on wax paper sprinkled with powdered sugar. Dust your hands with some more powdered sugar, and get your hands dirty! Usually you can get 2 logs that are each about a foot long. Then you top with powdered sugar and stick 'em in the refrigerator. Leave them in there until solid and then slice and enjoy! They're no-bake, all-fun, and completely delicious!

Log cookies are the easiest (and safest) things that I like to make. My dad and I love to whip together AWESOME desserts- cheesecakes, almond roca, chocolate mousse, jellyrolls, ice-cream cakes, ice cream, even creme brulee. You name it, Dad and I have probably made it. When I first started to really cook with my dad, it got to the point that Mom (Regan) cringed when we reached for the sugar in the pantry. Now we've slowed down some, but we still enjoy ourselves when it's our turn in the kitchen.

In my opinion, the most creative food is the one that gives you the most memories. What sorts of family recipes do you have? What's you favorite dessert? Who do you like cooking with most? Interested Teen-Seen readers and I want to know!

Iris Black

My short story, Just One of the Guys, is available on Kindle. For more information about this and other news, go to Sam's Space now!

It's Monday

Do I have to be creative - about food - on a Monday? Really?

Ah-well... to be fair it IS mid-morning on a Monday...and when I get peckish - and in need of a snack - I can get very creative.

Fair warning this first list is NOT compiled of healthy foods:

Candy corn and dry roasted peanuts. Fabulous! Add m&m's if you want a choco-rush with it.
Peanut butter and pretzels (I fib to myself and say it's better than the candy corn thing)
Cold pizza (I try to control myself and take the smallest available slice)

In the health conscious category - like when just looking at my jeans makes me wince:

Cottage cheese and grapes
An apple with a slice of cheese or peanut butter
Yogurt with a sprinkle of mini chocolate chips

You might notice a few of my food vices (like coffee) or my fave snacks (of either category) occasionally show up in my books and shorts - all available at Echelon Press or Amazon

Happy Snacking!
Regan