Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sh*t Happens

Yet another story about my life living on a RV...

I go out to empty my black tank (that’d be the poop), and then I go back inside the RV.

I smell something horrible, leave the RV, circle around to the side, and see a HUGE pond of waste on the ground.

I gag/scream/cuss and out comes the neighbor.

I’m hysterical, not knowing what to do. Neighbor is calm.

Neighbor shrugs. “You’re septic tank is backed up. It happens. Sh*t happens.” Ha, ha, ha.

I can’t help but chuckle, too.

Neighbor’s wife comes out, holding hankie over her face. “Shoo-wee. Your sh*t stinks.”

I roll my eyes. What do they think they are, comedians?

I get my cell and call the front office. “Help? There’s poop floating in my side yard.”

Within seconds, not one, not two, not three, but four maintenance men show up. Apparently floating poop in considered an emergency.

They shut off the main water to my side of the campground.

Out come other neighbors. “Where’s our water? I was in the middle of a shower. I’m thirsty.”

My comedian neighbors both point to me.

I guiltily wave to everyone standing about.

They narrow their eyes.

Head maintenance man holds up his hands. “It’s not her fault,” he defends me. “There’s nothing to see here. Everyone go back inside.”

No one listens.

So I slink back inside, get my stuff together, and leave the RV. “I have to go to work,” I tell all the hard working maintenance men.

“Sure,” say the neighbors. “Leave us with your stink.”

I hold up my cell. “Call me if you need anything. Ya know, to catch a piece of floating poop or whatever.”

Some of the neighbors laugh.

At least I gave them their amusement for the day.

...Turns out some kids down the way from me had stuffed toys and pine cones in their septic tank, and it backed up the whole campground. It just happened to erupt in my yard. (sigh) This is my life.

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